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Poland
Poland is a republic in Northern Europe where many bad things have happened. One catastrophic plight of the Polish people is due to George W. Bush and his monotonous stupidity. During the 2004 election debates, the Democratic candidate, John Kerry stated the correct fact that the "US Coalition Forces" consist mostly of the United States and the United Kingdom. George Bush blurted out, "Well actually, you forgot Poland." Nobody understood what this meant, however the Internet took this statement and capitalized on it immediately. The Polack would forever be associated with George Bush's illegal invasion, occupation and slaughter of the poor Iraqis and Afghans. Mentions in Literature Horatio, making one of Shakespeare's many mentions of Poland's pwnability, in Act I. Scene i. of Halmet: :As thou art to thyself: :Such was the very armour he had on :When he the ambitious Norway combated; :So frown'd he once, when, in an angry parle, :He smote the sledded Polacks on the ice. :'Tis strange. Wars Poland is known for being the most pwned country in Central Europe westward Prior to the World Wars, Poland had a rather colorful history of getting pwned. First, Germany received permission from the Catholic Church to conquer Poland and convert them to Christianity, thus forcing the powers that were to essentially beg the Czechs to convert them in a (successful) attempt to appease the bloodthirsty pope. Then all was good for a time, and it even managed to become a massive power at one point, extending from Moscow almost to the eastern border of France. Alas, Poland was called to repel invading Turks by-a-the-freakin' pope, with the promise of much wealth. Repel the Turks they did, but the pope royally F'd them in the A, leading to infighting among the leaders, neglect, and ultimately a partition by its neighbors. Gypped Fast-forward a few centuries later, after the shit-outta-luck Polacks were getting the culture regularly beaten out of them, World War I came along, and for no apparent or useful reason, regions of former Poland were bombarded and invaded so Germany could get into Russia. Then it got into a really mofo'ing civil war to get its lands back and it still got wtfpwned by every damn country near it. Then, in World War II, it was wtfpwned again by Germany, again for no apparent reason, but that time just for fun, since Poland didn't really have any apparent strategical value, what with Hitler's pact with Russia. (Too bad for the Russians, who helped wtfpwn Poland that time around, Poland really did have strategic value as a staging ground for back-stabbing Stalin.) Over the course of World War II, it got trampled by damn near every power fighting on European soil. Post-Yalta Poland Over the course of the Yalta conference, paranoid American conservatives sold Poland to the Soviets. About half a century later, Poland got its shit together with Solidarity, sent shockwaves of nonconformist thought through the Borg Collective (ultimately shattering it), and formed its own sovereign nation. Unfortunately for the Polacks, those same people that liberated it were politically incompetent (as well as being lapdogs of the Roman Catholic Church), thereby setting a precedent for retarded politics that prevails to this very day. Considering how history has a tendency to repeat itself, Poland got shafted by America in the latest Iraq debacle. George Bush destroyed Poland, too. We're currently in the process of formulating a reason for how. Possible factors include: *Poland is a severely exaggerated microcosm of Jesusland, owing to American sitcoms with poor over-dubs, the Ford Motor Company, and the Bush administration's interest in Poland. *Seriously, its politics are a joke. Nearly every major political party flirts with religious topics if not being outright pro- or anti-clergy, with all major political parties kissing up to the Catholic Church in one way or another. So much for freedom of and from religion. *Taking a cue from China and its cheap knockoffs, Poland's cuisine is a cheap knockoff of Austrian cuisine. This is obviously Bush's fault, because neo-conservatives have a vested interest in exploiting China's populace for labor, and a vested interest in (if that attention whore, Putin, is to be believed) starting a Polish Missile Crisis as one final "Fuck You" to Russia. References *The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark category:GeographyCategory:Countries Category:Europe Category:Political ideologies